Top Ten Signs You Got a Bad Judge at Westminster

By Michael Mountain, February 12, 2013

Westminster: a Pageant of Pornography The Westminster Porn Show A pageant of objectification and commoditization. Best in Shoes, 2016 The judge’s blue, knee-length skirt really showed off the muscle tone of her legs. The Freaks of Westminster No, not the dogs, but the people who turn them into deformed shadows of their true canine nature. Best in Glow, 2011 Big Mama Jubilee, a rescued pit bull mix, takes our prize! Westminster Dog Show Nixes Adoption Ads Dog food company gets axed for promoting adoption. Today Show Investigates Puppy Mills Their interview with the AKC’s communications director is priceless. The BBC Investigates Dog Show Breeders How spaniels, bulldogs, pugs and others are deliberately bred for distorted features that cause lifelong sickness and pain. … and just for fun: Top Ten Signs You Got a Bad Judge at Westminster 10: He keeps saying, “There’s hardly any meat on this one.”

10: He keeps saying, “There’s hardly any meat on this one.”

9: Points at the favorite in the “working dogs” category and says, “You’re fired!”

8: Evaluates your dog based on his performance in a written exam.

7: Before any dogs arrive, goes around the ring marking his territory.

6: Insists on trying on all the collars personally.

5: Searches the “toy” dogs for battery compartments.

4: Refuses to render his judgment until after the swimsuit competition.

3: Tells each dog to “Turn your head and cough.”

2: Subscribes to Cat Fancy (the traitor).

And the Number One sign you got the wrong judge at Westminster:

1: Tells you your Labrador retriever reminds him of his seeing-eye dog.

(Photo: Timothy A. Clary)